no need...

i guess i've been playing safe for too long, that unknowingly, i am hanging things, people too, with every words - both spoken and not. i've been receiving questions - a lot of them - that i don't think i can ever memorized them all. but that's okay. i'll be answering them, one at a time. i'm taking my sweet time doing things my way. unfair, maybe, but that's my thing when it comes to going around things.

i've got my own questions too, but i'd rather kept it to myself since i don't feel any need to receive any answer from anybody. plus, the only reason those answers came up in the first place was me getting into this chaotic bliss by myself, without asking anyone for help.

my mind allowed my whole entirety to ignore all those questions. for months, i've been allowing myself to glide, though at times i am bothered and troubled by constant current that's coming my way. my mind's processing thousand things, and i should have known that i should have never let myself speak with certainty about something i felt on certain occasion. i should have known i cannot let one single emotion fill me up and let it pass me without having to think about it. i used to be able to do that. something must have stirred one part of me, inside of me, and it was too late before i was able to react.

but that's life. i cannot just go back and change things. no need to contemplate whether to answer those questions or not.

for meme express

this was two or three months ago...next time im gonna be carving faces out of pumpkin .. :D

boo hoo!!!

what's with fear?

that's one thing that makes me feel i am going on the right track. whenever i do something i always have this certain fear of not knowing everything, of not knowing if my decision will be a good one. but it always do me good.

i don't know about other people, but whenever i decide on something and i don't feel any fear at all, as if i am being all comfortable, i feel like i am not going to decide something good. so i, being the eccentric one will go for a decision that is the exact opposite of my initial thought. hmmmm...does that make sense? hehehe

anyways, i am not saying i always make a good decision. but i never think that i have made any wrong ones, because i don't believe in right/ wrong decisions in life. why? because, if i ever let that thought stay for even more than five minutes inside my head, i doubt if i can get over it. i might eventually question my own thoughts towards that leap in my life that will eventually lead me to regret what i did. that is one thing i don't want in my life. regret.

going back to fear, i find comfort having fear in my life, cause that helps me to be cautious, to be prepared. I'm done playing hide and seek with fear and other factors that comes with it. so, i let it reside in me,then use it eventually to make me sensible enough when it comes to dealing things that are affecting my life.

i am scared of unknown. yes, i am. but that wont stop me going into them just because i stayed "here" a bit longer. i am scared, yes. but that doesn't mean i will be playing safe for the rest of my waking life, just because i am playing safe now.

random thoughts..or so i said.

i saw the ruler of Dubai two days ago. after spending almost four years here, that was the only time i got to see him in person. and less than a minute. wow. hehehe

i should be sleeping. as usual, i can't. not yet. maybe later, after I'm done with my post.

I've been meaning to put all my questions and my fears - not through words, not through poetry - but through images, colors. but i don't think i can easily sit and paint something or draw something without getting any attention. especially my good father is here. tsk...

tomorrow is the 21st birthday of my brother. hmmm...i believe he's asking for a PSP..well, good luck on you having that this year. :P

* * *

my silence will kill you eventually
the voices in my head will
make you bleed
the questions that are hanging
on the edges of my soul
will do nothing to stop the pain
the uncertainty of my being
will stab you...
and leave you hoping for death.

i am not here to save you
i am not here to fulfill your dreams

i been trying to do everything
so you will see
that i am not here
for you
i am not here
to take you with me.

* * *

bitchy angel's twisted mind

I'm far too sleepy to lie down and sleep.

i so want to finish the book i am reading.

i want to change my mobile number..since a lot of people are pestering me with constant calls without any consideration about the time. apparently, these morons are assuming i am awake 24/7. i know i stay up longer than my bed time... but still, that doesn't mean, I'm not gonna take even a nap..

just learned that Michael Jackson's dead. sad.

I'm thinking of having a two month vacation this year. that's bliss.

i so want to be in Maldives.now.

random (twisted) post

we're having our staff meeting, and it's 3.32 AM. we started past one, and still, we -well, it's actually just them- discussing about certain things we've discussed for the past years. not that i mind, but, these people love staying up late though half of us need to wake up by 5 AM to open our two branches of sushi bar.

we - they- are done. yes!!!

so, what have we discussed? well, habitual tardiness. funny, because that issue was obviously for one staff only.

next, absences, another issue for the same staff.

another one is that damn uniform- again, for the same staff.

false testimony, huh? what? hehehe... well, the one who presided the meeting said something about giving information- wrong info that is. that's for another staff.


i thought the meeting ended 5 mins ago. tsk..there still 3 people here discussing. wow.

i saw someone putting something about his virginity in fb..wow...wahahaha... he'll be reading this later..i'm kind of expecting some comments later..hehehe... sorry, just feel like putting it here.. :P

i'm tired. and i'll just leave it like that. hehehe

oh..somebody said he's calling loud whispers SCREAMS...why haven't i thought of that?
tsk tsk.. hehehe

the last time i kissed someone was...2 months ago..? oOOoooppSsS!!! hahahaha

sunday stealing's meme

saw this meme from ...


1. What thing is nearest to you ?
glass of water...
2. What is your ringtone ?
papercut- linkin park
3. What was the last message in your inbox ?
something about greetunes from Weyak...
4. Who is your best friend ?
cariza
5. What is the brand of your TV ?
LG
6. What schools did you attend?
T.I.P.
7. Do you own a MP4 ?
yep
8. What song are you listening to now ?
insensitive
9. Did you kiss anybody in the past 2 days ?
nope..how i wish
10. Have you ever kissed someone you met in the blogosphere?
not actually met here (blogosphere)...
11. What would you want to call if you weren't your current name ?
selene
12. Would you be happy if you had everything ?
i doubt it...
13. Are you always thinking of someone special?
not always, always...
14. Tell us of your most desperate dream?
living somewhere without knowing anybody..without having to tell those people who know me, where the hell am i...
15. When did you last laugh till you cried?
can't remember...
16. If you had a crush, would you tell them you love him/her now ?
no...
17. If you could be anywhere in the world now, where would you want to be ?
Marbella, Spain
18. When was your heart last broken?
can't remember
19. Whose birthday(s) is/are coming up?
my brother's
20. How many email accounts do you have?
three,ouh... four... :D

better...

Love the feeling of finally being able to forgive someone...

Blame on me, not wanting to spend the rest of my life hating somebody...







" ..you'll get along with a little prayer and a song..."