spitfire...not

though it seems
i didn't mind
taking your heart
and ripping it apart,
i did.
i still do.
and it'll always be
in my conscience
that i hurt
someone who was so kind.

but what we had
was something
not worth keeping.
for you.
for me.

i wasn't born to
be yours
and yours alone.

i know how hard
it is to understand
since i
just told you to stop.
without warning,
without any sign.

i am sorry.

things just happens
no need for any reason
no need to explain.
you'll be fine.
just be happy...
in time you'll be.

what to do?

whoah... after a long debate with myself, i've finally decided...and guess what? i was able to move from point A to point B...

you might be wondering what the hell am i talking about...

hmmmm.... i've let go of my almost two years long distanced relationship with him.

why?

just because.

im not gonna go into details cause it doesn't matter anymore.

i am happy.

he will be. i hope sooner than later.

wala lang...

is
it
so
bad
to
think,
to
say,
to
feel
i
am
happy?

am i
too mean
to think
of myself
first before
trying to
grant other
people's wish?

all i know
is that i
am blessed that
i have you
in my life.

what to do lah?

my battery's dead. im stuck somewhere i don't exactly know where. good thing there's this God given internet connection. i am trying to upload all those pictures that was supposed to be uploaded days before.

my mother will surely kill me for not being home for two days. hahaha

sorry naman.

i'll be- i need to be home tomorrow or else.

nothing's new. guess i better come back later. write something more interesting.

bakasyon grande

yehey!!! after few days of making me want to hate my boss for thinking of cancelling my vacation, i am finally here in Kuala Lumpur.

i arrived around 8 am, and guess what? i haven't been in my hotel. i've been dragged shidi's office. so, now i am here. har, making the most of staying here instead of sleeping. hahahaha

later, we'll go get something for the halloween party.

tomorrow, we'll go somewhere to meet some of his friends...

and then..i don't know.

so, yeah. till later.

landeh mode...

come on get high
matt nathanson

miss the sound of your voice
and I miss the rush of your skin
and I miss the still of the silence
as you breathe out, and I breathe in

if I could walk on water,
if I could tell you what's next
I'd make you believe,
I'd make you forget

so, come on get higher loosen my lips
faith and desire
in the swing of your hips
just pull me down hard
and drown me in love

I miss the sound of your voice
the loudest thing in my head
and I ache to remember
all the violent,sweet,perfect
words that you said

if I could walk on water,if I could tell you what's next
I'd make you believe, I'd make
you forget

so, come on get higher
loosen my lips
faith and desire
in the swing of your hips
just pull me down hard
and drown me in love

I miss the pull of your heart
I taste the sparks of your tongue
and I see angels and devils and god when you come on
hold on. hold on.love
sing sha la la love.sing sha la la love

it's all wrong.it's all wrong.
it's all right cause everything
works in your arms...

spell badtrip...

though my boss told me i'll be promoted..that good news is nothing compared to being slapped..more than ten times just because of one shitty text message.

okay, i know that two isn't related, but i feel like receiving that good news isn't enough to go through this bullshit. this pain, that i thought i wont be feeling again.

i know i shouldn't be this down, since in few weeks time, i'll be on vacation. i'll be seeing my family again. i'll be spending time with them again.

but really, i can't get over the fact that i was slapped without doing anything wrong. i just can't get past the idea that knowing something and doing something about it would be enough for someone to do that. i mean. fuck you. and you too. 

i wish i wont be seeing you in the Philippines, cause i don't know what i can do. i don't deserve any of these. my family don't deserve this. and for your mother, i hope she knows what she is doing. and just in case, i see you or your mother, i will make sure you'll feel what i am feeling.

damn you.

***

i think, i want to hate who you are with. i mean, im not there, while she can just waltz her way to your place, talk to you, spend time with you.

i don't like it.

but hating her won't change the fact that she can indeed just walk there, without telling you first that she'll be paying you a visit. spend the night with you and your family, while i, on the other hand, can't even do a single thing just to tell you i need you around, that i am recently in another shithole. that i need at least one person i can say whatever i want to say without worrying a thing.

i thought I've laid my
cards for you to see
i thought I've showed
you everything...
i thought I've said
what i needed to say...

i thought when
you saw me bare naked
you'd know
every word
every smile
every look
I'm throwing your way.

i thought when
i told you
i wont be yours
you'd understand why...

i thought when i said
i love you
that will be enough...

i thought when
you said
you love me
you wont be asking
more than i am
willing to give...

guess i was
assuming all along..